Listening to People in Pain

Listening to people in pain is about giving them room to grieve and weep and rage, and doubt.
- Adam McHugh, The Listening Life

Job's three friends started well. Hearing about what happened, the author of Job notes that they each came from their homes to sympathize with him and comfort him. (Job 2:11). Upon seeing their friend and the condition he was in, they weep, tear their clothes, dust themselves with ash, and mourn with him in silence for seven days and nights. They started well - but then it went downhill as they demonstrated how NOT to listen to a person in pain.

In a world that is hurting, Christians are uniquely equipped by the Holy Spirit to listen to people in their pain. While we are often tempted to give advice, spiritualize another person's experience - in compassion and tender heartedness, we are called to listen with empathy. Empathy is the ability to come alongside seeking to emotionally understand what other people feel and see things from their point of view. Like listening with a receptive heart, empathy requires humility, releases control, and remains present.

When listening to others in pain, the goal is to love well. When we make the goal to make them feel better, we will often turn to our own ideas of what we think will help. Loving well recognizes the presence of the Holy Spirit and seeks to be a conduit of God's love to the
person we are listening to.